I am so weird.

Why take some sleeping pills (alright, fine, it was just a Tylenol PM, but still) and then fight to stay awake? Makes no sense. None what so ever.

On a good note my dishwasher was finally installed on Sunday. I all but jumped for joy. It even does a fantastic job. Who invented the dishwasher? I need to know so I can find them and kiss them. That and the person who came up with Jet Dry. #1 and #2 on my current list of best inventions ever. Lol.

And I made our first dinner in the new house. Yes, its been a month since closing, but I finally got the kitchen put together enough to cook on Saturday. It felt good to get something done. Oh, I didnt even burn dinner. It wasnt anything special, Italian Chicken for chicken salads, but I was proud. Especially because we didnt know how well the oven temp worked. Our old oven ran about 25 deg hot so we had to adjust everything. This one seemed to be right or at least close. We are going to try a pizza tomorrow to test it again.

A minor setback with a pinch of fear

** Just an FYI - I am not writing this for advice, I am writing this for me.**

I have found that in times of stress I tend to withdraw from the world around me. I pour myself into my books and hardly come out to breathe, preferring to live in the fictional world rather then dealing with the real one. Not a very good stress response but hey, its me, its what I do.

Well this past week I realized that I had fallen into that again. Fallen pretty deep. I haven't been eating or sleeping hardly at all (and the little bit I do get isn't restful). I have pulled away from my friends, both online and in real life. I spend all my time reading, even at work.

I am scared because not only did I miss what was happening, and I had been proud for catching and controlling it in the past, but am unable to stop it from continuing to get worse. Also I don't know whats triggered it this time. I can look back on my life and see the moments where I would get like this. I can see what made it happen, even if it was just a yelling match with my mother. Normally it would just be for a day or two then I would get over whatever happened. Only once did it span weeks like it has this time, my senior year of high school when my BFF passed away from cancer.

I broke down and took a sleep aid last night. I feel slightly better today but the rock on my chest is still there, making it hard to breathe. I still opened my online book the second I got to work. I know it will take time to get back on track. I know I just need to take things a day at a time. I know that it very well might get worse before it gets better. But I have never been a patient person. I am angry with myself for being this way and, yes, I know that I shouldn't be. And yes, I know I should be in therapy. And no, I don't plan on going right now.

With all that I also know that I can get through this. I can and will bounce back. It will take time and work but I will get there. As bad as I feel right now I am still miles ahead of where I could be. I believe that you can not know true happiness with out knowing true sadness, can not know true contentment with out also being restless. I believe that you can not live in the extremes of these things but need to live in a balance. I just need to find my balance point again.

Writing does wonders. I feel better now and understand more then I have in the past month if not longer, if I am really going to be honest with myself. It will only get better from here even if I do end up taking a few steps back every now and again.

Pictures!

They are crappy cell phone pictures, and I forgot the outside, but they are all I have right now, lol.

The living room. We will probably make this a sitting room of some sort. I am standing at the front door, looking left. To the right is the stairs up, strait ahead is the kitchen/dining room and the door out back. Just before the kitchen there is a door downstairs and a hall to the right leading to a half bath and the laundry room.

The kitchen standing at the back door. The wallpaper is gone now, all we need to do is spot check while we wipe things down and then paint! The color is a bright green.

From the hall looking right is the dining area. The door frame and hinge you see is the door to the basement.

This is the basement. Its going to be our Family Room. We will put the tv down there and probably a reading nook/library. The bar isnt built in so we can do whatever we want with it and not worry about messing up the floors. Its just sticky tile but still. It was well done for what it is.

The master bedroom. I am standing in the front corner, the open door being to the hall. His & Hers closets along the far wall. Just to the right of the hall door is a door into the only full bathroom. There is also a hall entrance.

Well thats the house! I didnt bother to take a picture of the two other bedrooms or the bathrooms since they are standard issue and empty anyway. The one bedroom we are making an office and the other will be a guest room. Once they are painted and have furniture in them I will snap a pic but really, there isnt much point until then, lol.

We are officially homeowners!

::jumps up and down like a 5 year old with a lollipop::

Ahem. Now that thats out of my system. Everything went well, we laughed through the entire process, and there really wasn't as much paperwork to sign as we figured.

Tomorrow I plan to try to strip the wallpaper from the kitchen and if it goes well, paint. I am not holding my breath for that to happen but you never know. We looked at paint chips tonight (I wouldn't look at any until we had the keys) and DH found a color he really likes, I just think it might be to much. Its a bright green. We'll see how it goes, lol. I'm in no rush to paint, just to get the wall paper down.

I will take pictures tomorrow and post them at some point, lol.

Nothing we do is ever easy.

We aren't planning to move until the 25th. We have just started packing and getting things ready. Basically the house is a mess right now of boxes and random piles of stuff shoved in any possible place possible to keep the rooms fairly open to keep packing up other crap.

The landlord calls last night. They put an ad out for the apartment and have received quite a few calls regarding it. They would like to start showing the place to hopefully get someone to rent right away.

While I understand this, the house is NOT going to show well. Its going to be cluttered and cramped. The already somewhat small rooms are going to look even smaller. I explained to him that the house was a mess from packing but he didnt seem to care. He said he would warn the people to expect to see someones moving mess. I am still going to be stressed about it. I don't care that we have to deal with it but I dont want some random stranger to see it!

Also, I own rats. Rats are not a pet for everyone. The landlord gave the ok to have "small caged animals, such as a Hamster or Gerbil" but most people do not lump rats in with that group and think they are dirty, disease ridden, pests. I dont agree (obviously) but because I understand others views and didnt want to risk an upset landlord who can still withhold our security deposit we did the polite thing and packed them up quick and drove them to my sister's for a few days until we can get in the new house. To bad my sister lives an hour away and it was already 9pm at this point. Any time we could have spent cleaning up was spent driving the rats. Ugh.

So now I get to rush home after work to whirlwind through the house trying to make the piles of stuff look just a little better and wiping down the kitchen counters and bathroom. Hopefully thats enough. I really don't know what the landlord is expecting.

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

Yes, I was one of the many who ventured out into the dark world at midnight to see it. I will keep this review spoiler free, if you want me to elaborate let me know and I will happily make a spoiler rich edition, lol.

First however I would like to express my deepest disappointments to the other midnight showing viewers. Part of the reason I was looking forward to going at this time was to see all the super fans dressed up and acting stupid. DH and I enjoy laughing at them. There was a sad, sad, showing of them last night however. I saw a few scarfs, a few t-shirts, and two girls with orange dyed mops on their heads. That was it. No wizard robes, no one with a broom, not even a witches hat in sight. It made the hour we sat in the theater waiting for the movie to start rather boring.

Second, I always try to keep movies and books separate. I try to think of them as two different ways to tell the same story, this way I can still enjoy the movie even after they butcher the book. I don't always succeed at that (read: Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy where I cant even watch part of the movie without getting angry) but I do always try. That said this is tied as my favorite book of the 7 so it was a bit harder to think that way for this one.

And finally the actual review~ Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince: Book (and movie) number 6. This is the first time where I think that they deviated from the book to the point of damaging the story line. Yes, in the previous movies larger, sometimes important, bits were left out of the films but I never felt that it damaged the integrity of the underlying story. In this film however there were quite a few crucial scenes in the book that were left out of the movie. By crucial I mean that they play a large and important part in book 7, Deathly Hollows. I don't know how they will fix these holes in the last two movies (book 7 will be split into 2 movies for those who don't know) but they need to. Without those parts left out I don't see how the story will end the same.

There were also some events that took place that were never really finished or closed, they just kind of moved on and left the viewer to assume it all worked out ok. I also felt like the new relationships were glossed over and rushed, however I did like how they played up the old relationships. I thought some of the characters were a bit fake this time round too. I don't know if it was the director or the actor; I am leaning towards director. As always the casting did a great job, the special effects were great. There was also a lot more humor in this film. Sometimes it was a bit corny or stupid but it did a good job reminding us that these are supposed to be 16/17 year old kids.

Over all I enjoyed the movie, I might go and see it a second time, I might not but I know I will purchase it when it comes out. If you enjoyed the other films, go see it.

The sounds of nature and an airplane or two.

It has been so beautiful out the past few days our office has just propped open the doors and let the wind blow through. I have been loving it. Nice breeze, with fresh air and sunshine all day long. I makes me want to curl up out on the grass with my book.

The only thing that breaks this perfect setting would be our office happens to be located in an industrial airpark. So we are surrounded by other industrial type businesses and an airport. Oh well. The planes take off pretty quick and not often and so far today just the landscapers seem to be working outside with their weedwackers. I can still hear the birds so all is good in my book.

I dont know what it is about a slight breeze, clear skies, and happy birds but it lifts my spirits, calms my soul, and makes me smile.